Rant Time

Ready?  herrrrrrrrre we go

 

It’s 9:00pm on a monday night, summer time, i am drinking a PBR, listening to Dead Prez about to start packing for D.C.  There is a concert tonight and i can’t find anyone to go with me. This is a problem. I invite on average 5 people to each show, half respond, other half don’t bother. I have a phone full of numbers, most of which I never look at it, most of whom never contact me. I fucked up somewhere, it doesnt make sense. I have lived here all my life but only have a handful of friends who I’d consider calling. I don;t know when or how that happened, I had plenty of friends in high school, part of me thinks that my class was weak, none of them went to shows then and thats all I have ever done. I wonder what if I had went to a different school, or been a year older or younger, i think my chances would have been better off to be with kids who really enjoyed going to see bands, for free, even if it means staying up til 12 on a weekday.  Sure, there are a lot of kids who will go to these shows, but usually they only want tickets to the ones they know. My job at 1st Ave, which many people simply forget that i have to work for and earn my plus 1, does allow me to bring one guest to any show I want but some people, who never go to the shows that I ask them to, only ask for shows that they want. I often times abide but never get shit in return, not that I really want anything, but buy me a drink or something, at least pretend that you are my friend and not using me for my hook up.  This wouldnt be a big deal at all but I am just so sick of going to these little shows in the entry, which end up being better than the mainroom shows my friends want to go to 9/10 times.   The people who tend to have gone to these shows in the past with me have been ex girlfriends, the ones who I or they said we would still be friends, but i have a hard time calling them, seems like I am crawling back when I should be meeting someone new, or else I feel guilty about how things ended still. Overall, I feel like if I was in a different circle of people, this wouldn’t be a problem, but I am done meeting new people. When’s the last time I made a friend who wasn’t a gf? I can’t think of one, not one who I truly call up, all my friends are from back in the day, i think I am stuck in my predicament.   Sure there are probably a person or two who i could invite who would probably say yes, but truth is they annoy me and i don’t even want to invite them.  most of the shows I see I feel that the average person would be entertained by it, but often they are small bands that haven’t made it onto pitchfork or the radio. I used to require the person to pick me up if they took my free ticket, now I am just hoping for them to meet me there. This is why I hardly feel bad when in the past I meet a new girl who I hang out with  a lot, because oftentimes my bros aren’t even there anyways.

I am sick of this shit, this is what makes me want to change locals, I don’t have enough friends here to make me want to stay.  I have been too way many concerts by myself lately and when I go to these things alone ,my anxiety kicks in big time. I have a good hunch that if I dont do this rangelife tour in the fall I am going to find somewhere else to go for a bit. I am going to give away my awesome internship, my slow dream of playing music live with this DJ shit all because of the downtime in between is too fucking depressing sometimes.   it sucks that 4 old friends who I knew growing up and have all moved away, if I had them here as an option, they like music enough that would be coming along most of the time and my problem would be solved, but otherwise I am sick of this.

 

that’s my rant, don’t take it personally

-The Rural Alberta Advantage